Those are words that I once longed to hear. Of course, followed by my name. Otherwise, I can hear it multiple times once a year. Like last night. If you don’t believe me, check out my Twitter feed. I’ve never tweeted that much in my life.
Well, I can’t know what the future holds for me, only God knows that, so I won’t say that I will never hear those words. As James Bond said long before Justin Bieber, “Never say never”. But my current reality is clearly far from the red carpet, unless you count the rug in front of my kitchen sink, which I don’t.
In some industries, if you are not tremendously successful, it is not immediately obvious to the outside world. You wear business clothes. You go to an office. You get a steady paycheck. Your office may be a cubicle rather than a corner, but you can walk in the door side by side and most people wouldn’t know the difference.
This is not true in my field. If you’ve “made it”, it is pretty obvious. If I were to walk with one of my successful compatriots, not only would anyone not living under a rock know who’s who, I likely wouldn’t even be allowed in the door.
This used to bother me a lot. I used to walk around feeling “less than”, especially during awards season. But that is changing. And my children are helping me in that effort. Don’t get me wrong, I am still walking this walk, old tan apartment carpet and all, everyday. And some days, I am attacked by the worst case of “why not me-s” possible. But they pass faster and come fewer times; like a wound that has begun to heal can be felt less often and hurts less when it does. The space that belonged to that need and goal has shrunk as my life has become more filled.
Now, if you have an amazing project that you know for which I would be perfect… well, I didn’t take the moniker Star Traci for nothing. But in the meantime, I have these words from my daughter.
“You’re famous to me, Mommy. You’re famous to me”.