So the following conversation transpired last week in the car. Warning: this is the beginning of my first sex talk with my kids — a very unplanned conversation. VERY unplanned! The word “hole” is used a lot…
Sonny-Bunny: Mommy, if a baby grows in the Mommy’s belly, does the Mommy poop the baby out?
Me: No, honey. Women are built differently than men and their bodies have another place for the baby to come out.
SB: Another hole?
Me: Uh… yeah… a hole.
Little Diva: Mommy, do I have this hole?
Me: Uh… yes… remember, we talked about your “vagina”?
LD: My ‘jina? Is that where I tinkle?
Me: No, baby. That is your urethra. Everybody has a urethra.
SB: Me, too?
Me: Yes, boys and girls. Everyone has to tinkle.
LD: Where is it?
Me: His penis.
LD: His Peanut?
SB: My penis…
LD: So where does the baby come out?
Me: Well, you wouldn’t have a baby. You have to be a grown-up. But your vagina is the place on your bottom…
LD: The hole?
Me: Yeah… the hole…
SB: Mommy, can we talk about something else? This is kind of gross…
Me: Well, do you have any more questions?
Me: Baby, do you have any more questions?
LD: Will I have a baby one day?
Me: If you want… when you are a grown-up… after you graduate college and get married… (I had to throw in the college part…)
SB: Mommy! Can we PLEASE stop talking about this?!?!
Me: (big sigh of relief) Yes. Yes, we can.