Earlier this month, I spent a weekend at my parents. This may not sound inherently stressful but I used the weekend to clean out years of stuff remaining afters years of moves and relocations. I had a large garage sale (and by large, I mean lots of effort, not lots of money made) and began sorting through boxes of old papers.
I found a “newspaper” I started while staying at my grandparent’s beach house which was pretty humorous. It seems that the weather was mild, the fashion was casual, and many board games were played. Excellent reporting, I’m sure.
I also found this self-portrait from my 9th birthday.
I wish I had a photograph with me to compare but I do remember that outfit. It was a gift from my grandmother for that birthday.
All of that made me smile.
But then I found a box of cards and notes sending me off to grad school. Whoa! They caught the air in my throat.
The notes were assuring me of success. They predicted great things for me and from me. They wished me well and promised remembrances.
And as I sat reading them, I wondered what those people thought of me now. Had I failed them? Had I failed myself? What happened to that girl who inspired such confidence in those people?
I have to find her.
That girl may or may not be destined for an acting career but she had something. Something that drove her. Something that drew those friends to believe in her.
And that girl is still in here somewhere. At the end of the day, that is my journey. That is my quest. I need to find that smiling 9yr old and that confident 25 yr old. I need to make them alive in this 41 yr old’s heart and mind.
So if you see her hanging around, will you give her my number? I’ll be awaiting her call.