It’s been a rough two months. There I said it. And I am not the better for it.
When I shared the story of losing our Little Baby P, I was surrounded by love and care. I cannot begin to tell you how much that meant. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has rallied me and warmed my heart.
But it is still hard to see the sun. And that hurts almost as much.
I am basically a “Shiny, Happy People” kind of person. (You’re welcome for that Moment of R.E.M. Zen). I’m the cheerleader, goofball, go-getter of the family. But right now, I am not. Instead, I am sensitive, tired, and getting way too lost in games on my phone.
I am struggling with this current reality. I don’t know how to approach the world with this entry point. It’s like clouds are following me and blocking the sun much like PigPen’s pile of dust. This queen of the silver lining isn’t just seeing a “Touch of Grey”, I’m seeing only grey. (Even my music choices are trending highly nostalgic.) And when you are usually the picker-upper of the family, there is less sun to be found.
People ask me how I am. My answer: I am okay. I am fine. Etc.
But I’m not. I am not okay. I am not fine.
I am fighting depression.
It is hard for me to admit this. Not because there is shame in mental health struggles. I am the first to encourage and support others with seeking help and solace. And yet, I struggle with asking for help. A lot. So I pretend I’m fine. Some days I pull it off, some days I don’t.
This is not really fair. It doesn’t help my family or me. To heal and let the sun in, I can’t close the door on the truth. So I am opening it here and trying to let the light in.
Have you struggled with depression? How do you care for your mental health?
And just because…