Say Yes!

I’m the Yes Girl. I’m the make it okay girl. I am the one who will do it and give everything I can, usually way over expectations and/or requirements. What’s the old saying? “Need something done? Give it a busy person”. Let’s just say I am very busy.

Today, I had a realization. A big one — one might even say earth-shaking.

What I am really saying is “see me”, "“appreciate me”, “like me” love me”, “NEED me”. Tell me that I am worthy and of value.

Being the “Go-To” girl means that I am front of mind for people. They count on me and I make them happy. I. Make. Them, Happy.

But what if I said no?

What if I said I can’t or worse, “I won’t.” I’m not okay with that. Or I am not okay. Period.

Would I still matter?

Wait. Wait… What?

Do I matter? Of course, I do. Right? God made me for something. I know that. In my head, at least. The truth is, however, there is some place deep in my soul that doesn't'. Even now as the warm glimmer of light rising from my 50th birthday is breaking the horizon, I have a childlike need for everyone to like me.

My friends. My family, Of course. But I want everybody to like me. Strangers behind a counter. Strangers behind a screen.

EVERYBODY.

As I was confessing this to my coach Pam, she exclaims “Wow! That must be exhausting!”

Oh, my goodness! Yes. YES. YESSSSSSSSS!

It is devastatingly exhausting and I am tired. So very tired.

Now, maybe the above is not the surprise. So I am a workaholic with Imposter Syndrome. Welcome to the world, Traci.

But what is the cost?

Well, as I told Pam, “I am not going to grow more years at the end of my life”. The feeling of a window closing on time looms large in my mind. This is it. This is life. The one you get.

For me to do what I’ve been created for, I need to have a fundamental sense of worth to truly share my gifts. Which means I need to say “no” or as Mika Brzezinki says I need to “Know my Value”. My time has value. I have value.

Mika Brzezinki Know Your Value https://www.nbcnews.com/know-your-value/feature/know-your-value-forbes-are-partnering-celebrate-50-trailblazing-women-ncna1142571 — Mika Brzezinki Know Your Value
https://www.nbcnews.com/know-your-value/feature/know-your-value-forbes-are-partnering-celebrate-50-trailblazing-women-ncna1142571

And I need to say, “no”. No to things that exhaust me that can be done by others at no cost. No to jobs wherein I am paid less than I deserve. No to people who tell me (with or without words) that I am not valuable.

And when I say “no”, and they are unhappy, I have to be okay. Because I am okay with or without their approval. In fact, I am more than okay.

This is the struggle of my life. Until I get this, everything else is window dressing. And while I like a good Roman blind like the best of them, It won’t carry much style if it’s on a Before project for Joanne and Chip. (BTW, Joanne, my house was just damaged by an unexpected snow storm. Very happy for my house to be a “Before” for you.)

So, this Yes Girl is going to start saying “yes” to herself. Yes, I am good and valuable even when I say, “no”.

And so are you.

You are precious and no one else on Earth can do what you can when you say “yes” to the right things. So let’s learn to say no to those things that others can and should do — it’s their “yes”. Let them say yes. We have other things to do and we can’t do them until we stop being the “yes” to everyone’s question.

So, tell me to what you need to say “no” I will celebrate it. I will celebrate you. And me. I’m going to celebrate me.

Yes Girl