Making Me All I Am Supposed to Be

Often I think of my life as a mother as something separate from me. As if I am biding time until my kids are grown and then the real Traci will come back out. The actress. The woman.It is not that I don't enjoy being a mother. I do. I love my kids. I love being a part of their growing world. It's just that sometimes, it all seems separate from my world.I remember the days of independent films, books without pictures, and television shows that did not involve extended pauses wherein the central characters anticipate an answer from the audience.Sometimes it feels like my years as a mother are the intermission between the acts of my life.But the other day, I was driving with my daughter, The Diva, when I tuned the radio into Daughtry's "What About Now". I have heard the song a couple of times before but I never really listened to the words. But this time, the chorus caught my ear. "What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?"And it hit me.I say that I believe that there is a great plan. I say that I believe that everything works out the way it is supposed to be. And if that is true, then I am right where I am supposed to be. Being a mom is making me who I am supposed to be. It is not the intermission. It is the central act. It is the chief turning point 1 hour and 5 minutes into the film. In other words, it is my life.So thank you to my Diva and my Sonny-Bunny for making me be all I am supposed to be. And thank you to God for giving two of the greatest teachers. I no longer will sit on the side sipping my overpriced Chardonnay waiting for the bell to indicate that the second act is beginning. If the world is indeed a stage, and I a mere player, well, I am ready for my soliloquy.Even if that involves a chorus of Barney in the background.

***

LyricsShadows fill an empty heartAs love is fading,From all the things that we areBut are not saying.Can we see beyond the scarsAnd make it to the dawn?Change the colors of the sky.And open up toThe ways you made me feel alive,The ways I loved you.For all the things that never died,To make it through the night,Love will find you.What about now?What about today?What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?What if our love never went away?What if it's lost behind words we could never find?Baby, before it's too late,What about now?The sun is breaking in your eyesTo start a new day.This broken heart can still surviveWith a touch of your grace.Shadows fade into the light.I am by your side,Where love will find you.What about now?What about today?What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?What if our love, it never went away?What if it's lost behind words we could never find?Baby, before it's too late,What about now?Now that we're here,Now that we've come this far,Just hold on.There is nothing to fear,For I am right beside you.For all my life,I am yours.What about now?What about today?What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?What if our love never went away?What if it's lost behind words we could never find?What about now?What about today?What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?What if our love never went away?What if it's lost behind words we could never find?Baby, before it's too late,Baby, before it's too late,Baby, before it's too late,What about now?