It's Not You, It's Me

Dear Spammers,Everyday you fill my inbox with so much love. My phone routinely dings with new messages expressing all the ways you want to make my life better. And I am continually amazed by how you consider needs that I hadn't considered. I would never have thought of the ways that Viagra could improve my life. I wasn't aware that as a woman that I could take it all.But I really love how you wish to share all your goodies with my readers. Whether it is auto insurance, haircuts, or the latest Louis Vuitton handbag (which I am sure is real because we have established a relationship built on faith and trust), you continue to pursue my heart through offers to those I love.But so many of those love notes are never seen. My pesky software embargoes hundreds of your entreaties. But not to be deterred, you have found ways to express your undying passion.And oh, how they warm my heart. You think that I am one of the most influential blogs you have read. How touched I was to see that a colleague had sent you a link and you eagerly awaited my next post. The fact that you felt that way about a month old post caused my knees to buckle. I just hope that you return to see what I have had to say since. Oh, wait. You did! You came again and left almost the same exact message. Love, love, love!But the best moment of all was when you read the post about the loss of my brother and you suggested that I party all night. How did you know that in my dark days, I would really want to boogie?Knowing that you do all this with love, please understand how hard it was to hit unapprove and move them into the Spam folder. Hand-wringing was involved. But in the end, it was just too much. There are so many of you. How I could I play comment-footsie with one and not allow you all to play? I felt like I was being unfaithful. And as much as I would love to be the star of the latest TLC polygamous show, "Sister Spammers", I just don't think we can move forward.So please, please, please, move on. I know there is a blogger out there who will appreciate you. She will approve all your comments and make a place for you in her inbox. If you continue to spend your time and focus on me, you will never find that blogger, your blogger.So don't take it personally. Really, I know that it's a cliche but you have to understand, it's not you, it's me.All my best,