Don't Leave Me This Way

I have a confession. I watch Oprah religiously. I have watched it almost all of its 25 years. Now in the age of DVRs, it is not appointment TV anymore, but I see it all. So what am I going to do now?Those of you who follow the Daytime Queen know that she has been closing down her show with a series of all-time favorites, follow-ups, etc. And boy, have I gone down Memory Lane. We have revisited Mattie, the beautiful boy that introduced us to Heart Songs. I could have put Noah back in business with the tears.In fact, there were a lot of crying moments. The woman who barely survived the fiery car crash. The mother who finally moved on after her daughter was murdered. The little girl who grew up watching videos her mother made once she knew she was dying. Lots of tears. Lots of inspiration.I eat this stuff up like chocolate chip cookies precisely two minutes out of the oven with a side of milk. It is something of a drug. It provides a bit of catharsis as I temporarily live through their stories.Oprah is not a great celebrity interviewer. There I said it. I know that it is against the law in most if the world to suggest that she is not the greatest talk show host ever but that is not her forte. Leave that to Barbara Walters. What she does do right is the heartstrings story.  Give her a Don Quixote that caught his windmill and she will change your life. Give her a project to stand behind and she will change the world. Give her a celebrity and prepare to go to sleep or go vomit. Or both -- hopefully vomiting before sleeping. Just sayin'.And Ms. Oprah is the queen of the mixed message. One day she tells me that I should be authentic and not focus on things and the next day, she shares her Favorite Things. She'll share a story spotlighting how a woman has survived some terrible disfigurement and how her inner beauty has triumphed. A week later, she'll do a make-over. She'll tell us mothers that we should let go and stop trying to do it all and then she will have Martha Stewart teaching the proper way to fold a fitted sheet. Really? Really, is there a proper way to fold a fitted sheet? Evidently, the answer is yes.You want a clue into my warped psyche? See above.And yet, I will miss my life lessons, folding instructions, and tips on wearing the correct bra. 4:00 pm will never be the same.Three shows more and I am on my own. It seemed appropriate to turn to Dusty Springfield because I just don't know what I'll do with myself.I just don't know what to do with myselfDon't know just what to do with myselfI'm so used to doing everything with youPlanning everything for twoAnd now that we're throughI just don't know what to do with my timeI'm so lonesome for you, it's a crimeGoing to a movie only makes me sadParties make me feel as badWhen I'm not with you, I just don't know what to doLike a summer rose needs the sun and rainI need your sweet love to beat all the painI just don't know what to do with myselfI just don't know what to do with myselfBaby, if your new love ever turns you downCome back, I will be aroundJust waiting for you, I don't know what else to doSo, will you miss Ms. O? What will you do with yourself?