Why Award Season is Hard for Me...

It's the Golden Globes which I love! And I hate. I love that Amy and Tina are hosting. Yes, I'm on a first name basis with them. They just don't know it yet. Which leads to me to why I hate award season. Those of you who have put up with known me for a while will recognize this struggle. I wrote about my Missing Piece last year. I keep wishing that this year will be the year wherein, it all makes sense. This will be the year that I will know my purpose and I will no longer feel doubt. This will be the year wherein I will have no jealousy and will be fully at peace. This year is not that year. I love my life in so many ways. I have an amazing husband who loves me with passion. I adore my children and know them to be the greatest gifts anyone can receive.Yet, I still miss acting. I still mourn a dream I nurtured and cherished since I was very young. I still yearn for more.I feel guilty saying it, I am mightily blessed. There is no doubt about this fact. I know it and I am filled with gratitude. So why can't that immense gratitude fill up the yearning? Why can I not find a new dream that encompasses and embraces me the way that acting did? Why can I not find a true and lasting peace?This is my ultimate journey and struggle. This is why I began writing a blog in the first place. At times, I feel that I have moved ahead but awards season reminds me that there is still so much I need to do, so much I have to learn, and so much growth yet needed.