A Lost Month

Today is February 1st which means that an entire month of 2014 has slipped into the past. Unfortunately, this also means that I have lost a month to illness. And truth be told, I'm angry and sad and feeling a little lost.I love the New Year. I am a fresh slate, clean white paper, checklist and dreaming kind of girl. New Year's brings me happiness and invigoration. Or at least, it has the previous 40+ years. But 2014 has been dominated by pneumonia. I hate to complain. It is not cancer. I will not die. I am, however, sick and tired of being tired.I was healing, or so I thought, and then about ten days ago, I just stopped getting better. Finally on Thursday, I went back to the doctor and got super-duper antibiotics. It seems I have resistant pneumonia and the earlier antibiotics simply suppressed the symptoms rather than killed it.So I have been skating by. I have not been able to write. My mind is muddled. I have about ten posts sitting in drafts that I start but can't finish. I place them on my calendar and then sigh as I move them yet again.I have watched much too much HGTV (love Love It or List it -- I'm neither Canadian or a homeowner but I am seriously addicted to this show!). I've read too little, played too little, worked too little.For my friends who fight acute illness regularly, you have my sympathy. I thought I understood as one who has struggled with chronic illness for four years. Nothing prepared me for long-term acute illness.Enough. I am restarting my year. I am going to believe in this next set of meds. I'm going to find my fresh page in a notebook. I am going to heal and get off this couch. I will find my calendar, gleefully tear off January's page and start 2014 today. Or least, I am going to try. Warm thoughts and prayers are appreciated along the way.