You're Going to Mess This Up
Sometimes people ask what advice I would give new moms. Okay, they don't ask me but I imagine they do. So in the conversations that run in my head, here's the advice...
You are going to mess this up.
Uh... wait. I know what you're thinking. You have read all those books. You have done your research. You wanted this child and you are ready.Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are going to mess this up.But...Trust me. There is no way to win here. There will be complaints. There will be people who will think they know better -- well intended people, experts and even "know-it-alls".Think I'm wrong? Think you've got it figured out? Let's just play this out.You choose to be an attached parent. Your child has grown in a warm cocoon of your love. She has felt protected and had all her needs attended. She will then go to school and have a fit at the door because she doesn't know how to be away from you. Or... you choose to be a "throw them in the pool, sink or swim" parent. She will have a fit at the door because she never has time with you. Or... you do something in between and, you got it, she will have a fit at the door and yell either or both accusations at you. (I may or may not know this last one from experience.)You can choose to homeschool, an expert will say you're denying him social interaction. You send him to the school down the street and you're denying him the one-on-one education that he craves. You try private school and you spend the money you were (or frankly weren't) saving for college.You can choose to work outside of the home thinking you're showing your children the importance of work. He'll resent you for being away. You stay home and you'll be told that you're not teaching your children the value of pursuing their dreams. You're smothering them or you're not giving enough.Getting the idea?This goes for breastfeeding or formula. All organic home cooking or box dinners. Everything has a trade-off and everything has a cost. And no matter how sure you are, how committed you are, one or more of your children is going to tell you that it was wrong. They may, heck probably will, tell you the opposite the next day.They are going to melt down in the middle of a grocery store and DisneyWorld. They are going to see things on TV or the internet that you will wish they didn't. They will drop an F-bomb in front of someone that matters to you.
You are going to mess this up.
You will not be a perfect parent and you will not suddenly create the perfect child. All of us find something in our parenting lacking. Your parents did and you did and yes, your kids will.But here's the value of this advice. You are going to fail. That's what makes us human. And then you are going to look at the precious child and you are going to get up and try again. And one day, when they are crying in their bathroom because they have failed as parents, you will be able to comfort them and tell them that it's okay. It's okay that they will mess up because you did, too.And look at a wonderful mess they've become. You might even say a perfect mess.