April Showers

My friends at Axis of Ineptitude chose "April Showers" as the prompt today and it couldn't be more apropos. I am struggling. I don't always like to admit that but I will today.I am a positive person; always have been. There is always a silver lining, a rainbow with a pot of gold, or a half full glass in my view. In fact, I have been accused of being annoyingly optimistic. I always think that tomorrow will rock even if today totally bites.Because of that, I tend not to write as much about the hard days. Not because I am trying to create some false view of my life. Goodness knows, I have been honest about what a total mess I am. I don't write about those days because it makes them seem more real, almost permanent.Today,, however, I am lifting the umbrella and showing you the very wet girl underneath. I am drenched through to the bone and shivering. After years of chronic illness, military deployments, dealing with PTSD, ADHD, dyslexia, moves, and downsizing, I have become someone I don't always recognize. I've done it all for so long, I don't know how to relax or sleep or just breathe. I am riddled with anxiety that I try to ignore but I can do so no  longer. I can't smile away everything.My umbrella is leaking all over me and I am soaked by the shower. I know that May brings flowers and at my core I believe that. But today, I'm just all wet.

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Is it raining where you are?