In one week, A Star in My Own Universe will turn five. It has been a good half decade. I am sitting here, however, trying to figure out what I want for the next five years.This began about my journey to reconcile my life with my plans. It was about appreciating the many blessings I had been given without the shadow of disappointment and regret. It was about knowing that as a flailing mother I wasn't alone in trying to figure this parenting thing out. And in so many ways, it has succeeded in those goals.

I sit here older and ever-so-slightly wiser and wonder "now what?"

I get that my life is not what I planned. I get that my life is amazingly blessed. In fact, I have an embarrassment of riches even if none of them make it to the checking account. And if I haven't figured out this motherhood thing, I have figured out that I am very much NOT alone in this struggle.But again I ask "now what?"I have found myself struggling with writer's block. I write less and less about my path even though I am definitely still on a journey. Maybe it's because I am not sure what my path is anymore. I still miss acting -- is a return there possible after all these years? I have invested so much into this blog. Where does it go now? And my writing... you see where I'm going here.Blogging is not what it was when I started. People rarely comment. Instead, it is about shares, pins, likes, and stumbles. The sense of community through shared stories is not as strong to me as it was before. I get lost in page views and how many hearts I get on Periscope. It can feel overwhelming and underwhelming simultaneously.I don't just write anymore. I try to create pinnacle images to correlate with my post, preferably with a number. This image should be different from those used on Facebook and Twitter so I size and resize. I schedule out social media shares. Some days I enjoy it and some days it feels like work. A lot of work.I want to seek out opportunities with the blog but then I worry about losing the vision. I over-commit and then stress to finish, losing the joy that all this used to bring me. In other words, I do a lot of worrying, wondering, and stressing.I am traveling full-time now. I am surrounded by natural beauty and have my family full-time now. (Full time. As in all the time. As in always. As in... bring me a drink.) If I am stressing, worrying, and wondering, I am taking time and energy away from them. I have felt overwhelmed by a to-do list or as I called it last week -- my "too-much-to-do list". And in a fight discussion with my husband, he pointed out that I own my to-do list. And I do. (Yes, hunny, you are right. It is here in black & white. It had to happen in 20 years of marriage.)So here's where this long, winding road is leading us... (and if Paul McCartney is in your head now, you're welcome) I am starting fresh on Sunday, August the 30th. I am only going to share here what brings me joy or helps me on my journey. I will write when I want to write. This may mean that I will never "break through". I can live with that. Because this blog was never about that. I am not a DIY blogger. I'm not particularly pinnable and I don't have a niche. I have no tips for you. I barely keep myself together. I rarely write in lists and let's be honest. It is near impossible to google "weird girl who is still figuring out her life at 44". So breaking through is probably not in the cards anyway.I'm just me sharing my crazy and crazed life. Big or little, it's still my Universe. I lost sight of that for a while and got a little lost. It must have been that left turn at Albuquerque.