I'm a Superhero... or not
I think I’m a super hero. I may not wear a cape, but I definitely think that I have super powers.
You might wonder what my power is.
Superman had several. He was faster than a speeding bullet. (Aren’t most bullets speeding?) He was more powerful than a locomotive and still able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
That’s pretty cool, not gonna lie.
And then Batman had an awesome car, and the best gadget belt ever. Spider-man could sling and web, and if Tobey Maguire is to be believed, had some major abs. As a gal, sadly, there isn’t as much to aspire. Wonder Woman spun around a lot and could make you tell the truth. I’m a mom. I do that every day; especially the spinning.
So, what is it? What is this power that I believe myself to have? Time bending. I believe I can do ridiculous amounts of things in short times. My daily to-do list would attest to this.
I can do everything… right? Right? Right…?
I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a student. I am a volunteer at my kids’ school. I am a part-time employee at my kids’ school. I am a Daisy leader. I am… well, you get it.
To lay out an example, today I believed that I can do my taxes, write a short story, finish my short screenplay, do a week’s worth of laundry, and plan a week’s worth of meals, go grocery shopping, plan a Girl Scout meeting, and not completely ignore my husband and children.
That’s do-able right?
It doesn’t sound possible? You’re right; if you’re a simple human. But what if you’re a superhero?
Well, let’s see how this day played out:
Taxes halfway finished requiring a 5:00 am wakeup the next day but filed. Superman had kryptonite and Lex Luther. He might have been slowed but he finished the deed. Lois Lane was saved from the earthquake and I filed my taxes. Point one for Momma Superhero.
Still writing short story… like right now. The next day. Late for assignment. Yeah, this story. Ehem… Lost point or two. Definitely not leaping any buildings here.
Grocery shopping done – woo hoo with a 46% savings, thank you very much. Batman had his gadget belt. I have a notebook. I can’t rappel from the top of the building but I can cut out a coupon on the spot! Have scissors, will travel -- I believe that gains me a point.
Screenplay still sitting with the cursor at the exact same place. Blinking at me mockingly as if it were the Joker smiling with his off-kilter red-lipsticked smile. The Joker was there to remind Batman he was human under his imperturbable suit (and let’s be honest, Christian Bale’s suit was as imperturbable as they get!) and that screenplay is my Joker. So score one for simple humanity.
The laundry is my true nemesis. It grows like the blob. Any remaining piece, no matter how small begins to grow in exponential ways. (I know that the Blob is not really a superhero foe but it is definitely a super mess and therefore completely apropos). So, after searching the entire house, all the corners, bins, baskets, and hampers, I thought I was being really smart and sorted all the laundry out on the floor. My dog, however, thought I laid it out as a series of potty patches. Not even sure there is a super-villain as dastardly as a dachshund on a potty mission. Let’s just say I came up with a few super phrases, but unfortunately, I am still conquering the now smelly laundry piles. Double points down.
Meeting not planned. At all. Not even a little bit.
Children ate frozen waffles for breakfast. And lunch. Enough said.
In short, the day fell apart and I am not a Super Hero.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think I have super powers? I do not. I am just an over-tired, over-committed woman. I cannot bend time. I cannot write a short story in my head while I am calculating an entire year’s travel expenses. I cannot give my children attention while writing a screenplay.
I am no Super Hero. I am simply human.I might get a cape, though. Maybe I’ll become a matador.
